Everyday Battles With Stupidity

 

I’m going to be honest with you. I woke up this morning feeling stupid.  I suppose I should be grateful that I don’t wake up like this every morning. 

To clarify: there are so many things I should be writing about that feel like they are beyond my scope. I feel as though I should be smarter to do them justice. I hate that. I need three of me: one for ideas, one for research, and one to convince myself I can really do it. That last one is probably a full time job. 

Today I’m going to give you a sampling of the stories that have been piling up in my “to do file.” See anything you like? Let me know. 

I ran into someone at a party the other evening who shook hands with me, smiled, and said, “I don’t read your blog anymore.” I couldn’t tell if it was an apology or a jab. I laughed and said it wasn’t a requirement. Just because I was committed to writing every day didn’t mean they had to read it.

And then they said something like, “but you keep writing?” with a lift at the end which made me wonder if they didn’t see the point of that. It was a brief, but odd, conversation. 

Recently I wondered if my obituary would someday note that “she wrote a blog for eleventy-million years largely because she did not know how to quit.” 

This is not a request for moral support or a ploy for praise. Think of it as an honest admission. When you get up to write every day, some of those days are really, really, crummy.

I ran into this quote somewhere and it sits in my Notes section for days like this: 

Just because we’ve done it once doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Everyday the dust comes back. Everyday we must sweep. - - Daniele Bolelli