Skip to main content

Who Is Entitled?

Philip Seymour Hoffman: an actor whose work I have to admit I have never seen. But that didn't matter to me yesterday when I heard of his death. It was heartbreaking, no matter who he was. He was someone's partner, someone's dad, someone's friend.

This comment on Facebook drew me up short:

He was easily among the very greatest actors of my generation. Though we'll tut-tut the tragic loss, let's also say this: narcotics users are selfish. He just stole from us all the brilliant roles he will never now perform.

Selfish? I responded:

Addiction is horrible. He really, really tried. Can't agree with you on this.

He replied:

Perhaps he tried. But he tried too late. "If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."

Soon after, @LisaB.Mrs.S. retweeted:

@knottyyarn: How about believing survivors. How about compassion for addicts. How about not indulging that blame-placing urge & remembering humanity.

Yes, I thought. Yes. Yes. Yes.

But then I read these responses:

@commiegirl1: @knottyyarn honestly, I grew up with a daddy who's an addict. My son is my son because his birth mom died from it. I just don't empathize.

@commiegirl1: @knottyyarn I know I would be a better person if I did, but they leave behind so much f***ing wreckage.

And who would know better that they, with real life, personal experience?

***

Who has the right to pass judgement? Who is entitled to sum it up, give it a name, count the cost and lay the blame? I know I am not. As I wrote on Facebook last night,

On a more serious note, people who have no concept of what addiction means and go online to pontificate are...well, I guess...well, never mind. Sad.

I can tell you this: many years ago, when my first marriage was breaking up, I came dangerously close to having a problem with alcohol. I was overwhelmed. I felt pain and helplessness. I felt sorry for myself, too. Hadn't I earned that extra drink? Yet though I teetered on the edge, I eventually stepped away from that danger. Very gradually, I moved forward.

Why? You could say that God was watching out for me. Or that my strength of character won out as I realized my responsibility to my young daughter. You could say a variety of things, but the truth is that I did not have in my body chemistry that disease which is alcoholism. An addiction.

I was so, so lucky. And I continue to be blessed that I wobbled and struggled and was able to find my equilibrium. Others are not so lucky. Addiction is a disease and the wreckage is immense. My wish is that those of us who are addiction-free or have merely dipped a toe in the water restrain ourselves from passing judgement.

We are not entitled.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Teacher Gifts

Today is the last day of school before the Winter Break. It’s a good time to remember the far-reaching nature of our public school system. You may not have children. You may have sent your children to independent schools. It matters not. You will be impacted one way or another. Yesterday I read a long thread on Facebook about several waves of illness in the schools right now. There’s influenza A and norovirus, I believe. And of course there’s COVID. Apparently in some individual schools the rate of illness is high enough for school admin to notify parents.  When I was little the acceptable holiday gift for a teacher was one of those lovely floral handkerchief squares. (I don’t know what it was for male teachers. They were rare in my elementary years.) These days the range of teacher gifts is wider and I have fond memories of Target gift cards which I have written about before. I think it’s safe to say that giving one’s teacher Influenza, norovirus, or COVID is not the ideal holiday...
1 comment
Read more

They Can Wait

This is not a typical Saturday post. That’s because, in my community, it’s not a typical Saturday.  Oakland Mills High School, after years of deferred repair, needs massive renovation. It’s pretty simple: when you don’t fix a problem it gets bigger. The school system itself said the the OMHS school building was  "no longer conducive to learning" back in 2018.  2018 .  But Thursday the Boad of Education voted to push it out of the lineup of important projects which will be given the go-ahead to proceed soonest.  In my opinion it’s a terrible decision and sets a dangerous precedent. To explain, here’s the advocacy letter I sent in support of Oakland Mills High School. I was rather proud of it. I am writing to ask you to proceed with needed renovation at Oakland Mills High School in the most timely and comprehensive manner humanly possible. I have read the letter sent to you by the Oakland Mills Community Association and I am in complete agreement. You are extremel...
1 comment
Read more

F ³: Who Belongs at the Library?

  One of these things is not like the others One of these things doesn't belong Can you tell which thing is not like the other By the time we finish our song?* Did you guess which thing is not like the others? Did you guess which thing doesn't belong? If you guessed this thing is not like the others Then you're absolutely right.  Our library promotes equity. Our library promotes literacy for adults who have come here from many places. Our library promotes accessibility to materials and opportunities. Our library is hosting multiple Harry Potter themed events?  Tell me this isn’t so. J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter book series, has and continues to use the profits from those books to advocate for laws that diminish the rights of trans people. She has and continues to use her fame to influence public opinion to view and treat trans people negatively. In short, Ms. Rowling is using the Harry Potter book series to make transgender people around the world less safe....
1 comment
Read more