Eighteen Tomorrow

"Not really ready to be an adult."

The sentence, from a Howard County high school student, caught my eye and drew me in. I wanted to know more. 

"Not really ready to be an adult.

When I was 13-16 I don't think I genuinely thought I'd live this long so all of a sudden I'm here but I have no real plans. I was sad all the time and not 

super motivated to do anything so it was hard to visualize my future. It was especially hard to picture it before transitioning because I knew I wasn't going to be a woman but I wasn't sure where that left me. And now what I want more than anything is my childhood as a boy but I'm turning 18 tomorrow and I'm never going to get that. I constantly think back to this tweet because it's so painfully accurate:

'to the little boy I never got to be, while everyone is grieving over the loss of a daughter, I still mourn for you.'

I just hope that one day every trans kid will be able to get the help they need at a young age so they never feel like I do right now. If I'd had any understanding of what it meant to be trans as a child, or if it had been acceptable, I would've transitioned at 8 or 9. But for now I guess I have to be glad that I am where I am now and not spend too much time thinking about what could have been."

These simple words--so beautiful, so painful--speak a truth that most of us will never know. On the eve of a milestone birthday, this young man has so beautifully related his feelings about who he is and how difficult his journey has been.*

I can't get his words out of my head.

I just hope that one day every trans kid will be able to get the help they need at a young age so they never feel like I do right now. 

Young man who speaks a truth that some folks want to look away from: I see you. I hear you. I am glad you are here. For your 18th birthday I wish you a life of love and joy.

*This message is shared here with the permission of the author.