Smackdown

I read the news a bit wistfully: the old Durgin-Park Restaurant was no more. Back when I was in high school and our class visited Boston on the American History trip, a visit to Durgin-Park was a must. They were known for classic New England dishes and for their waitresses who were, to be blunt, rude.

That’s right, people flocked to Durgin-Park to be insulted by the waitresses. They wouldn’t bring you dessert unless you cleaned your plate and, even then, might give you the once-over and ask if you really needed it. And people just adored it.

Somehow there was a market for humiliating people in a social setting. Durgin-Park was the best of the best. Now it’s gone. So, too, is the humor of comedian Don Rickles who made quite a successful career out of insulting people. Whatever will we do without them?

Don’t fret, though. I’ve found a local joint where you can go to get insulted and it won’t cost you a cent. No cover charge, no tipping a surly waitress.  Just pure, unadulterated disrespect.

Here’s what you need to do. Just go to the Facebook page for the Comptroller of the State of Maryland and disagree with one of his views. It’s that simple. One differing opinion is all it takes and you will receive prompt attention. The Comptroller’s social media staff will spring into action and put you in your place. Even better, they’ll even throw in a patronizing tone, gaslighting, and general, all-purpose sexism absolutely free!

If you want the deluxe, VIP (Very Insulting Package) just persist in defending your point of view beyond a sentence or two. As if by magic, two of  the Comptroller’s staff will appear and play with you like a cat plays with a small rodent. They certainly spare no expense at demeaning the taxpayer over there. If you stick around you can see the two of them practically high-five eachother after each cringe-worthy encounter.

Ordinary social media accounts for ordinary elected officials have it all wrong. They try to be respectful, entertain the views of supporters and detractors alike, and take the high road when things get unpleasant. But what kind of fun is that? Don’t you just get a rush seeing guys tell it like it is with no filter and no consequences? Isn’t it exhilarating?

If I were you I’d pay a visit to this establishment before it goes the way of the old Durgin-Park. This kind of good, old-fashioned fun just can’t last forever.