Guest Post: The Goddess Speaks

Some people have blogs, some people of vlogs or podcasts. Some strengthen their personal brands through TikTok or Instagram. Some have fancy subscription only newsletters that generate income.

My friend has them all beat. She is a goddess.

Well, not a goddess exactly. A semi-goddess. Or, as she likes to call herself: the Semi Weather Goddess. 

The Semi Weather Goddess appears online only to assess and make pronouncements on possible hocolocal weather events. Often she doesn’t think much of what we would call snow. As a goddess she has seen more impressive examples of frozen precipitation and she will tell you so. I’ve gotten to the point where I won’t really believe it’s snow unless it is endorsed by the Semi Weather Goddess.

She is observant. She is blunt. She is brilliant and hilarious. She is my neighbor in Oakland Mills and her name is Ann Faust. I’m sharing her post today with permission.

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6:58 am UPDATE 

Okay, the snow on the ground is accumulating nicely. (About 2 cm in an hour)

Although it is not a fluffy good quality snow. It is wetter than I like with very small flakes. I would give 7/10. This comment is more for northerners only they will be familiar with the quality of snow, the rest of you, like my family, kind of tongue lolling, it is SNOWING!!!!!

Those of you who have to go to work Drive slowly. Drive safely Drive smartly. 

The streets are not even touched yet and the main roads are quite slippery.

Those of you who don't HAVE to go to work,(no running to Target because the knickers on sale or simply you have an unexpected day off is not an issue of HAVE to) park your bottoms down. Don't create difficulties for the emergency services and don't get on my nerves.

If you feel too anxious, sit down and count the leaves on your toilet rolls to make sure that you get what you paid for. Do a quality check or something.

And there is no reason for your lying to me. I know you have extras already stacked somewhere in the house. 

Yes, you over there, I know you have extras, too. Don't try to push it under the sofa with your foot. I can see the edge of it peeking from the other side already. 

It is futile trying to lie to me. I have children and I am well versed and awfully trained in this "trying to hide things from her" business.

One doesn't become the Semi Weather Goddess by not knowing things. So don't be absurd.

Yes there is snow on the ground but get up and man-up (okay stop!! Not all over yourself for god sakes, okay just get up then you on the corner you don't have to man up at all clearly 🤦FFS)

Anyways where was I?

Oh, yes, get up, roll up the sleeves (as apparently man up is too much for some of you) and tackle this snow business like a champ.

Remember you are the children and grandchildren of those who had to go to school both ways uphill in knee deep snow. 

If they lived this so can you and then you can lie about to your kids  too.

Be brave, I have trust in you!!

Now go and get a hot chocolate with or without a snifter is okay.

No one is judging  no one today.

If they do, here is what to do;

Lift up your two fingers (the palm facing your cake hole) and salute them with a good long raspberry.

We won world wars with this salute you shall overcome those who judging you, too!

Be brave, wear a hat and gloves, if things change or get out of control, remember I am here to put the world right for you all!

That's it that's all the 100% accurate weather report from SWG Ann for now.

P.S. I am putting the measurements in normal and those still stuck in the imperial world. Yes, I am in a generous mood today.

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When not functioning as the Semi Weather Goddess, Ms. Faust is a medical professional, mother of four children, and an active proponent of gardening, homeschooling, world travel, school music, and maternal child health. Many thanks for her generosity in allowing me to share her (heretofore unknown) talents here. - - jam