F ³: Instacart Goes Spotify, Oh My!

 

Why, why, why did Instacart send me a Year in Review report à la Spotify at the end of the summer? Am I not meeting my personal order quotas according to their projections? Did they think that I would think it was cool?

Au contraire. This is painful. Among other things, it reveals me to be the most Boring Person in the World.

(Forgive the string of screenshots. I couldn’t make it fit into one unified image without compromising something.)

Oh, my. I lead such an exciting life that my notable purchases include lactose-free whole milk, bananas, and the Lean Cuisine Meatloaf meal. Instacart thought I needed reminding? Am I supposed to use this information like some kind of bragging rights amongst members of my friend group?

Not likely. Those of you who are ordering fresh basil, burrata, and wagyu steaks are rolling your eyes about now. Oh, the shame of it.

I was surprised to see that I like to order Beauty, Health, and Home Goods products when in fact I order food, food, food, and the occasional laundry soap and ibuprofen. What’s going on there?

The pièce de resistance is their recommendation of two categories I should check out more:

• Alcohol 
• Pets

Friends, if customers do not order from these particular categories it is not because they are simply absentminded or it has never occurred to them. If they don’t order anything for Pets it is because they don’t have pets.

Why aren’t they ordering alcohol? Well, it could be for a variety of reasons and some of them are none of your @#$& business, Instacart. Furthermore, the idea that it’s good business to “suggestive-sell” alcohol is asinine. (Original words redacted.)

Ahem.

I can see encouraging customers to try items from the Florist section or Fresh Prepared Foods. But, holy cow, this was a report put together by a computer and not by a human with any common sense. While we are at it, whoever thought I needed a year in review of my grocery shopping at the beginning of September does not have the sense that God gave a grasshopper.

But maybe they read this report.*

To be honest, nothing about this has harmed me in any way. Instacart provides a useful service and I’m grateful to have that option when I need it. Besides, I guess I should be grateful that there’s no category entitled “Things We Think You Order Too Much”. 

You’ve been eating a lot of those sourdough hard pretzels. May we suggest a raw vegetable tray for your snacking pleasure?

It could happen. 

Village Green/Town² Comments

*Tips For Creating a Year-End Review Like Spotify, Vev Design Blog, Words by Jeff Cardello 11/1/22