I’m in a couple of give-away sort of groups and I have mixed feelings about people posting something (especially food) by saying they want it to go to a needy family. That puts the responder in the position of publicly outing themselves to the group as being needy. This bugs me.
This is not mutual aid. No matter how well-intentioned, this practice comes across as an attempt at playing Lady Bountiful.
Why?
Years ago I got into a bit of a kerfuffle because I objected to a (former) local blogger taking and sharing photos at a back-to-school giveaway event. My reasoning was that people turning out to receive school supplies were not automatically giving their consent to be publically identified. They deserved the respect of having their presence there - - to support their children - - to be no one’s business but their own.
Not everyone agreed with me, least of all that blogger.
It was a public event, therefore it could be covered.
No thought, no nuance, no empathy.
Between the mass firings of civil service employees, the government shutdown, and the stoppage of SNAP benefits, there has been a huge increase in food need in Howard County. Our community has responded in many different ways and I am heartened to see the robust response from county government, local nonprofits, and spontaneous grassroots initiatives.
But…
Along with these has come individual postings in various online groups in which someone is posting food for “someone in need.” Apparently some folks have stipulated, “tell me why you need it” although I haven’t seen that wording myself.
Sure, anyone can respond. But, by adding the qualifier, you are requiring people to self identify as “needy.”
Please don’t do that.
When I was applying to college, many institutions were moving away from performance-based scholarships to need-based ones. I chose the title of this piece because it seems to me that asking our neighbors who are struggling to “out” themselves is basically requiring a performance of them in order for us to meet their needs.
Is this any different than treating them like trained seals?
If you are worried that someone might ask to get your food who isn’t really needy, give it to Columbia Community Care, put it in one of the local pop up pantries, or donate it to the Howard County Food Bank. Let them handle that issue and do what they do best.
In my opinion we worry too much in this country that someone might possibly receive something who doesn’t “deserve” or “qualify” for it. This is an attitude that trains us to be suspicious. It makes us think that it is acceptable to shame our neighbors. It will always be us and them. The haves and the have nots.
And the have nots will forever have to be debasing themselves to survive.
In many ways that is what charity has come to mean these days. It turns us into the Pharisee whose prayer in the temple is a humble-brag of his own worthiness.
That is why I am so drawn to the philosophy of mutual aid. Its practice allows for no artificial or shaming divisions. One community. We act and interact to keep eachother alive.
If you have more than enough, it is your choice to keep it or share it. All I ask is that you give some thought as to how you share. We can be nourishing and empowering or we can combine material goods with the taste of shame.
Would you want to be forced to eat food that taste like shame? No one does.
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