We Have Met the Enemy

 

Ten years ago I shared a guest post from an Oakland Mills mom: 

Stand Up for All, Lisa Spangler Zovko, July 28, 2016

This morning I’ve been sitting with the words of this piece and with the photo she shared along with her words.

I don't care if you don't want to hear this. You can block me. But this has to be said. In this photo is my son Ryan and all of his closest friends from high school. Awesome right?? They are all wonderful young men that will do great things. Here's the rub. Austin's mother and I don't have to worry the same as Kian's mom or John's mom or Jay's mom or Khaaliq's mom, or Adam's mom. We don't have to worry that someone might think something about them because of the color of their skin. That's called white privilege. That's why #blacklivesmatter. These boys are all like sons to me and I pray everyday that they don't come upon the wrong person with a gun.

We must stand up for all. Every micro-aggression that happens to these kids on a daily basis should not happen!!!!

Sadly, Ms. Zovko is no longer with us, succumbing to metastatic breast cancer in 2020. Her words and her intentions persist. The investment she made in standing up for young people beyond merely her own children is not lost. Her belief that this kind of community can be life-saving and is our responsibility stares out at me from the page.

I’m thinking about her today as I process the words of another mom, Kimberly Seals Allers. 

About Nolan Wells: Holding White Moms Accountable

This Is What I Did: A True Story

- - Kimberly Seals Allers*

News of the horrific death of Nolan Wells in Mississippi has stirred up anguished conversations among parents about the perils of being the one Black friend in a white friend group. I’ve learned a lot that I did not know in reading various personal narratives since then. 

They are often heartbreaking. 

It is not that Black kids don’t belong in those spaces but that white parents have not done the necessary work to make sure those friend groups are safe for every child. Not just their child.

Please read all of Ms. Allers piece. Here’s a bit to get you started:

We need to hold white mothers accountable for doing the parenting work that 2026 requires.

You know the ones-the white mothers who said they felt something when George Floyd cried out for his mama.

The ones who put Black Lives Matter signs in their yards.

The ones who bought the antiracism books.

*****

And to the white mothers whose children have Black friends: What are you teaching your child about what that friendship requires?

Not the "we don't see race" avoidance.

Not the "that could never happen here" delusion.

I mean the concrete work of teaching your child how to protect, defend and stand beside a Black friend.

Who is the danger? Us. Or, to be clear, nice white people who think they aren’t racist and yet take no responsibility to dismantle the racism around them. I absolutely feel horror to think that proximity to whiteness makes Black kids less safe. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be believe it could be true.

Yes, scary racist people. But not seemingly benign, “nice” people.

And yet we must open our eyes. 

Our neighbor Lisa exhorted us ten years ago.

It's NOT enough to just believe something you have to speak up and #standup .

Who in Mississippi was teaching their child to speak up and stand up?

Who is doing it here where we live?

Village Green/Town² Comments 

You can learn more about Ms. Allers at her website.