Skip to main content

Non è mai troppo tardi




I’m sharing my very first legitimately “published” piece in this week’s Free Form Friday. It appeared in this summer’s issue of the Mount Holyoke Alumnae Quarterly as the back page “My Voice” essay. If you know me in real life you may have already seen this. It’s the story of how I was diagnosed with ADHD just shy of my sixty-second birthday. 

Solving the Puzzle of Myself

I’ve been squeamish about putting this out into the world because I have worried what people would think. I’ve finally decided to face that fear and be done with it. The truth is, my brain works differently. Perhaps if more people understood the neurological basis of ADHD there would be fewer assumptions that it’s a character flaw or some kind of lazy excuse.

I’ve learned that girls are far less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD because we often present differently. We’re not the textbook wiggly, impulsive (boys) that many teachers and clinicians can easily recognize. I’ve discovered that some women who I deeply admire were also diagnosed as adults. One of them wrote to me:

…your blog is in part the representation of what we excel at: making immediate relationships/connections that people miss.

Oh.

Probably the biggest challenge I have faced since diagnosis is grieving what might have been. 

My life would have been so different with medication and supports. I do feel a sense of grief that I can’t have those years back to live differently.

My psychiatrist, who grew up in Italy, told me the story of his favorite childhood television show. It had actually been created to teach adults how to read, but for some reason he just loved it. The name of the show was “non è mai troppo tardi”, which translates as “It’s never too late.”

He shared this with me to remind me that my story isn’t over yet. I still have time to make sense of things, make choices, pursue my dreams. Those five words in Italian have become something of a talisman for me. I’m not a tattoo sort of person, but, should I ever decide to get one, that’s what it would say.

People sometimes talk about how there’s a whole new life ahead of you in retirement. That’s certainly true for me. In many ways I’m getting to know myself all over again. 

I just kept going until one day I found myself.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Teacher Gifts

Today is the last day of school before the Winter Break. It’s a good time to remember the far-reaching nature of our public school system. You may not have children. You may have sent your children to independent schools. It matters not. You will be impacted one way or another. Yesterday I read a long thread on Facebook about several waves of illness in the schools right now. There’s influenza A and norovirus, I believe. And of course there’s COVID. Apparently in some individual schools the rate of illness is high enough for school admin to notify parents.  When I was little the acceptable holiday gift for a teacher was one of those lovely floral handkerchief squares. (I don’t know what it was for male teachers. They were rare in my elementary years.) These days the range of teacher gifts is wider and I have fond memories of Target gift cards which I have written about before. I think it’s safe to say that giving one’s teacher Influenza, norovirus, or COVID is not the ideal holiday...

They Can Wait

This is not a typical Saturday post. That’s because, in my community, it’s not a typical Saturday.  Oakland Mills High School, after years of deferred repair, needs massive renovation. It’s pretty simple: when you don’t fix a problem it gets bigger. The school system itself said the the OMHS school building was  "no longer conducive to learning" back in 2018.  2018 .  But Thursday the Boad of Education voted to push it out of the lineup of important projects which will be given the go-ahead to proceed soonest.  In my opinion it’s a terrible decision and sets a dangerous precedent. To explain, here’s the advocacy letter I sent in support of Oakland Mills High School. I was rather proud of it. I am writing to ask you to proceed with needed renovation at Oakland Mills High School in the most timely and comprehensive manner humanly possible. I have read the letter sent to you by the Oakland Mills Community Association and I am in complete agreement. You are extremel...

Columbia Chance Connection

  Last night, as my husband and I were about to sit down to dinner, our front door swung open and a cheery voice announced, “I’m ba—ack!”  We weren’t expecting anyone. Clearly the only people who’d walk right in to our house would be one of our offspring. I had my reading glasses on so I wasn’t seeing too clearly. It seemed too tall for our youngest, but we knew our eldest was at work. I took off my glasses to see a friendly but confused face scanning our living room. When her gaze landed on us we all had a sudden realization. We didn’t know eachother. “Oh I’m so sorry! I’m in the wrong house! My daughter just moved in and she needed hooks for the kitchen so I ran out to get them.” She waved the package. “All these houses look the same and I don’t know the neighborhood yet. I thought this was my daughter’s house.” We were all getting a bit giggly. “That’s okay. For a quick second we thought you were our daughter,” said my husband. I told her our names and said she should defin...