F ³: A Current ConversAItion

Love hearts.

That’s what they are called on an episode of my favorite BBC panel show, “QI.”

American research scientist Janelle Shane programmed a similar neural network to read existing slogans on Love Hearts sweets, and the program suggested new slogans: "Loving horn", "Buns, buns, buns" and "All hail the chicken".

We would call them “conversation hearts.” They’re made of sugar, cornstarch, and sentiment, I guess. They are as hard as cement and have no particular flavor. Rather like their sister sweets, Necco Wafers. Now made by Spangler, they’re marketed under the brand name “Sweethearts.” Each year they try to update their sayings a bit to remain relevant to popular culture trends.

To my knowledge, real people make these word choices and not neural networks preloaded with specially curated content. I’m not quite sure how this all works because I think that most of these candies are purchased for kids. How will sentiments like their new theme, “Love in this economy” play at elementary school classroom parties? For example:

SPLIT RENT
SHARE LOGIN
CAR POOL
BUY N BULK
COOK FOR 2

I’m surprised that WAGE SLAVE 4 U is not a choice.

I’ve written about Conversation Hearts before, largely because they’re a sentimental nod to my childhood and I remain fascinated by the concept. Marketed as a food product, they’re cute and largely inedible.

But…here comes the lesson, kiddos…

The laughable failure of a computer to even remotely approximate the charm of a conversation heart is, to me, an apt reminder that AI is being marketed to us as a practically nutritious product for humankind. The truth is that at its best it is no more than cute. All while being intellectually and emotionally inedible.

In the same QI episode, host Sandi Toksvig relates that questions taken from the QI database, "Blue Whale" were loaded into an AI program, and the program was asked to come up with new questions in the same style. The results include “What happens if a flamingo is your wife?", "What is the best way to get a radiant complexion of trousering?", repeatedly asking: "How many legs does the Queen have?" and then suddenly announcing: "I'm naked." It also answered one of their own questions: "How did the Romans? Nobody knows."

Sure, it’s all fun and games until you realize that AI is already crowding out the work of real creators and artists while replacing it with products that are both flawed and inherently soulless.

Musician Thomas B. Wild, Esq. puts this in a musical way by asking “Do we want the arts to die?”

“Stop Using Generative AI”, Thomas Benjamin Wild, Esq.

And for those who fear that romance is too important to leave to their own imperfect abilities, a reminder that nothing is more beautiful than do-it-yourself affection.

What do you think?

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