Empty

Happy Easter, happy Spring.

For the first time in many years, there are no Easter baskets to make. Both of my children are traveling, each on her own adventure. If this is a foretaste of the empty nest, I don't quite know what to make of it.

A co-worker said, when she she learned the age of my children, "Oh, this is such a wonderful time when you can really live through your daughters."

I probably smiled to be polite but I did think it a bit odd. I love my daughters but I've never really planned on living through them. I do have a bit of a life in my own right, after all. Aren't I more than just my role as a mother?

What will I do with myself when our youngest goes to college, moves out, moves away? I see the future coming and it's going to take a supreme leap of faith for me to believe that everything will be alright. How will this journey be different from others I have taken in my life? How do I prepare?

As the weather begins to warm and the neighborhood is bursting into bloom, I'm nursing a full-blown case of self-doubt and tasting a sense of loss. Just a reminder that these years I thought would last forever are drawing to a close. There's a new life ahead.

Maybe I need to get ready.