Darkness

It was a long night. 

I opened my eyes so many times and it was still dark. 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is gone. The justice she worked for all her life hangs in the balance. The world feels palpably less safe. 

I wish I had something valuable to say.

I’m an adult. I feel like I should know what to do. There’s a particular kind of of fear and grief when the world is going up in flames around you and none of your years of life experience is remotely helpful. I’ve always thought that generations before us who faced similar horrors knew how to step up: Brave, resolute, ready.

But maybe they felt small and unprepared. As I do today.

I’ve made my contributions in life in the small things. The small things will not be big enough now.

I am so, so grateful for people like Justice Ginsburg who were willing to make contributions in the big things. Her life is an illustration of how crucial it is for women to take up space, push forward, open up worlds. I pray that more such women will grow from the seeds she has planted. 

To my daughters: live big. To your daughters: be bold. Do not oblige those around you by shrinking down or fitting in or apologizing for your brilliance. Our country needs you. You are exactly who you ought to be. 

I will fight for you.

There was a point during the night when I began to wonder if daylight might not come. I kept willing myself to close my eyes again and bring morning and some sense of reality with it.

Grief is like that, and shock. We struggle to come back into focus. We don’t really want to.