Skip to main content

F ³: Brain-Changing Can Be Hard


 

I’ve realized that my brain operates on a simple assumption:

Each new experience is an opportunity to screw up.

Over the last several years I’ve realized that spending most of my life with undiagnosed ADHD has a lot to do with that. Having an extremely judgemental mother didn’t help, either. I envy folks who feel exhilarated by new adventures. I immediately start making mental lists of how something new could be awful or how I could fail.

I decided I wanted to rewrite that script which has been dominating my thoughts for far too long. At first, I tried this:

Each new experience is an opportunity for something wonderful to happen.

At this suggestion, my brain just laughed. This was just too big a leap. As much as I believe in positive self-talk, this was more like trying to convince myself that there were fairies living at the bottom of the garden. I tried again.

Each new experience is an opportunity.

How about that, Brain? Open-ended enough for you?

Brain was not entirely convinced. “Better, moving in the right direction, but not quite right.” 

If I were going to reframe how I deal with something I’ve struggled with all my life, I would have to be one hundred per cent honest. Masking it or painting it in pretty colors wouldn’t do. 

I just about gave up. Maybe this was just insurmountable. Why did it matter to me enough to change it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just accept it? And yet…

My psychiatrist, who grew up in Italy, told me the story of his favorite childhood television show. It had actually been created to teach adults how to read, but for some reason he just loved it. The name of the show was “non è mai troppo tardi”, which translates as “It’s never too late.”

He shared this with me to remind me that my story isn’t over yet. I still have time to make sense of things, make choices, pursue my dreams. Those five words in Italian have become something of a talisman for me. I’m not a tattoo sort of person, but, should I ever decide to get one, that’s what it would say. - - Non è mai troppo tardi, Village Green/Town², April, 2022

So, at long last, I arrived at a baseline. A starting point. A place that my brain was willing to accept.

Each new experience is.

I don’t have to like them. I don’t have to be good at handling them.  But each new experience does not come in my life to test or to thwart me.  All lives contain new experiences. They show up whether or not you are wanting them or expecting them. 

This may sound quite simple to you. But I have learned that many adults with ADHD withdraw from the world because they have lost confidence in their ability to cope with what life throws at them. Often, everything feels like a test. An opportunity to screw up. Again.

So, here I am. With my four simple words. 

Each new experience is.

Do you have words inside your brain that shape your outlook? Have you ever tried to change them?

Village Green/Town² Comments



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Teacher Gifts

Today is the last day of school before the Winter Break. It’s a good time to remember the far-reaching nature of our public school system. You may not have children. You may have sent your children to independent schools. It matters not. You will be impacted one way or another. Yesterday I read a long thread on Facebook about several waves of illness in the schools right now. There’s influenza A and norovirus, I believe. And of course there’s COVID. Apparently in some individual schools the rate of illness is high enough for school admin to notify parents.  When I was little the acceptable holiday gift for a teacher was one of those lovely floral handkerchief squares. (I don’t know what it was for male teachers. They were rare in my elementary years.) These days the range of teacher gifts is wider and I have fond memories of Target gift cards which I have written about before. I think it’s safe to say that giving one’s teacher Influenza, norovirus, or COVID is not the ideal holiday...
1 comment
Read more

They Can Wait

This is not a typical Saturday post. That’s because, in my community, it’s not a typical Saturday.  Oakland Mills High School, after years of deferred repair, needs massive renovation. It’s pretty simple: when you don’t fix a problem it gets bigger. The school system itself said the the OMHS school building was  "no longer conducive to learning" back in 2018.  2018 .  But Thursday the Boad of Education voted to push it out of the lineup of important projects which will be given the go-ahead to proceed soonest.  In my opinion it’s a terrible decision and sets a dangerous precedent. To explain, here’s the advocacy letter I sent in support of Oakland Mills High School. I was rather proud of it. I am writing to ask you to proceed with needed renovation at Oakland Mills High School in the most timely and comprehensive manner humanly possible. I have read the letter sent to you by the Oakland Mills Community Association and I am in complete agreement. You are extremel...
1 comment
Read more

Columbia Chance Connection

  Last night, as my husband and I were about to sit down to dinner, our front door swung open and a cheery voice announced, “I’m ba—ack!”  We weren’t expecting anyone. Clearly the only people who’d walk right in to our house would be one of our offspring. I had my reading glasses on so I wasn’t seeing too clearly. It seemed too tall for our youngest, but we knew our eldest was at work. I took off my glasses to see a friendly but confused face scanning our living room. When her gaze landed on us we all had a sudden realization. We didn’t know eachother. “Oh I’m so sorry! I’m in the wrong house! My daughter just moved in and she needed hooks for the kitchen so I ran out to get them.” She waved the package. “All these houses look the same and I don’t know the neighborhood yet. I thought this was my daughter’s house.” We were all getting a bit giggly. “That’s okay. For a quick second we thought you were our daughter,” said my husband. I told her our names and said she should defin...
Post a Comment
Read more