In a rare move of unanimity, the Columbia Association Board has voted on a topic that will have far-reaching consequences for the entire county. They're giving Columbia to Elkridge.
Surprising turn of events! Elkridge Advocate submits new design for Howard County Flag!
“After much consideration we have decided that Columbia’s financial dominance over the county is contrary to Jim Rouse’s egalitarian views. We hereby relinquish the New American City to the people of Elkridge.”
Beginning with the last day of school in June, community members will be encouraged to work out housing swaps with Elkridge residents. Local nonprofits such as the Columbia Housing Center will assist with the transition. Although their goal is ambitious, CA Board members hope to have the swap complete by the first day of school at the end of August.
“We’re tired of hearing about all this so called Columbia privilege,” grumbled one CA Board member who declined to be named. “Let them try to hire new CA President every three years. It’s not as utopian as it’s cracked up to be!”
Howard County Executive Calvin Ball’s office released the following statement:
We stand ready to support county residents in this bold move to broaden opportunities and amplify unheard voices. My office looks forward to working with the new Columbia residents as they undertake the challenges of their new lives. Our new SWITCH program will provide a Sunny Welcome In the County* wherever you land.
Responses from Elkridge have so far been mixed.
While some acknowledged what a relief it would be to not be treated like Elkridge anymore, the general consensus was that, while Columbia might be a nice place to visit, they wouldn’t want to live there.
“Good grief!”remarked one local advocate. “I never really wanted Columbia privilege. I just wanted to complain about it.”
In Columbia, a few disgruntled residents were seen collecting signatures outside of the Lakefront Whole Foods.
“Do you really want those people to enjoy the new Downtown Libray? You know, the one that’s so awful and we all love to hate? Can you imagine the indignity of all that attention to going to other people? I’m sure Jim Rouse wouldn’t want that. Please sign here.”
One man scanned the protestors’ petition and declined to give his signature. “If this means I can stop paying that darned CA assessment, I’m in,” he said.
“Most residents won’t know this is happening until it’s too late!” worried one woman. “There’s no local newspaper and the local bloggers are completely unreliable.”
*****
Have a wonderful first day of April. My husband and I will be out scoping a new place close to Cindy’s Soft Serve.
*The H is for Howard, of course.
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