In a week or so my youngest daughter will turn twenty-one. It’s a big deal, at least to me. One does not automatically become an adult but it does feel like a momentous entry into adulthood. Twenty-one used to be the age of majority but when the voting age was lowered to eighteen the official age of majority followed. The legal drinking age has fluctuated around the country. In Maryland it’s twenty-one.
That must be why I found mostly cards with alcohol references and illustrations when I went looking for a 21st Birthday card online. I was looking for something special. What I got were beer steins, champagne toasts, and martinis. (Truth in advertising: I found an absolutely perfect one on Etsy but the shipping was three times the cost of the card.)
When my older daughter was in middle school I attended a parent event about alcohol and substance misuse. The point that stayed with me from that whole evening was how unwittingly we teach our children that certain life events must be marked with alcohol. New Year’s Eve. Anniversaries. A new job or promotion. Twenty-first birthdays. The presenter pointed out that it was a way that we wordlessly teach that there are life events that require alcohol. The unspoken message is that those events will be less celebratory and less valid if you don’t have a drink.
You have a choice, she said. You can make sure that you chose a variety of ways to celebrate in your family that don’t center around alcohol. She wasn’t saying, “Don’t drink.” If anything, she was saying, “Don’t link.” Don’t link weddings and birthdays and new ventures with a requirement to imbibe alcoholic beverages. Be creative. Be purposeful in how your family approaches these events.
I hadn’t ever really thought about it that way. These are ways that we teach our children to feel “I need a drink” merely by our example. It’s another one of those things that, once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Here in Howard County local nonprofit Sobar continues to move forward with the goal to create and share delicious and appealing non-alcoholic beverages. I’d say they lean in the direction of educating the public that, while it’s fine to want a celebratory beverage, it isn’t necessary to have alcohol in it. Many of us have family, friends, and neighbors for whom including alcohol as the norm means excluding them.
Right now Sobar is asking folks to participate in a three minute survey about non-alcoholic beverages and sober spaces. You can find it here. You’ll also find the recipe for the drink that won their most recent mixology contest.
This isn’t an anti-alcohol sermon. It’s about examining what we do and realizing that we have more choices than we think we do. And we can offer others more choices once we understand that.
As for my daughter, she is not particularly interested in alcohol at this point in her life. She has mentioned that she’ll probably have one frozen strawberry daiquiri to see what it’s like. I can’t predict what will happen after that. I just hope she knows there are many ways to celebrate in life, and that alcohol isn’t the only one.
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