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A Handshake Disagreement



First, the disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. I do not play one on tv. No one in my immediate family is in the legal profession. 

Now, the story: Judge throws out ‘bullying’ lawsuit against Howard County schools, former superintendent, Lillian Reed, Baltimore Banner

The complaint filed in January centered on a handshake between Martirano and graduate Rennen Dorsey on the stage of Marriotts Ridge High School’s 2023 commencement ceremony.

Dorsey, who was 17 at the time of the incident, said she declined to shake the Martirano’s hand in an act of solidarity with her father, a longtime administrator who was facing disciplinary action. Martirano allegedly forced her to shake his hand anyway, behaving in a “bullying fashion” on one of the biggest days of the teen’s life, the lawsuit claimed.

This story has perplexed me since the suit was announced.

I was not present when this incident occurred. There may be video footage; I haven’t watched it. At the very least, something happened that the student found upsetting and demeaning. 

What I don’t understand is the use of the term “bullying”, because it would seem to me to be inaccurate in this case. As a teacher and a parent I have become pretty familiar with what does and doesn’t constitute bullying. Here’s a definition I grabbed in a quick Google search.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance and its members have an agreed shared definition of bullying based on research from across the world over the last 30 years:

The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.


For something to be correctly classified as bullying you must have all of the following:
  • Repetition 
  • Intentional hurting
  • Imbalance of power in the relationship
The only one we absolutely know is true is the imbalance of power in the relationship. That’s clear. She was a student, a minor, and he was the superintendent of schools.

Could it be proven that this was “intentional hurting?” I don’t know. The experience was hurtful to the student. That is not the same thing as defining the action as being performed with the intent to hurt.

We absolutely do not have repetition, or, if we do it is not revealed in the Banner article. For it to be bullying it has to be a continued pattern of behavior. I’m not seeing that here. 

Is the law different in this respect? Can you actually file suit for bullying if someone has done one hurtful/objectionable thing? Is another term used in the lawsuit itself? I don’t think an unwanted handshake would qualify as assault, do you?

Here is my non-witness, non-lawyer opinion: clearly the moment meant a lot to Ms.Dorsey. It was her intent to make a small but dramatic gesture in support of her father. In that moment Dr. Martirano could have handled it differently. He could have graciously complied, he could have respected her wishes but made a face or otherwise expressed disappointment. 

He didn’t. Perhaps he, for whatever reason, wasn’t able to cope with the social pressure of being put on the spot in front of a lot of people. I wouldn’t have done what he did but I can’t presume to explain why he did it.

Boy, do I wish he had reached out to her afterwards and apologized for handling it so badly. (I do not know for a fact that he did not, by the way.) Admitting that he could have done a better job respecting her request might have gone a long way in mending that breach.

Again, my understanding of the law here is minimal. My gut tells me that it’s possible to dislike Martirano’s behavior in that moment and yet what actually transpired may not be legally actionable.

What an odd and disappointing postscript on a student’s K-12 years and an educator’s career.









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