F ³: Good Intentions

 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. It’s an old saying. We don’t exactly know how old. Considering how vividly we are experiencing the road to hell these days, without any good intentions whatsoever, it can be hard to believe that good intentions could go amiss.

Case in point: in pondering the murder of conservative media personality Charlie Kirk this week I found myself mulling over something which has been upsetting me for a long time: laughing at/celebrating the suffering of others. In light of that, I posted the following on social media:

You always lose something when you laugh at the suffering of others. It isn’t simply demoralizing to people you don’t like. You damage yourself. You chip away at the most precious part of what makes you human.

My words received positive feedback. I felt I had done the best I could with the feelings I had. Then I came across a post on Bluesky, unrelated to mine, that gave me pause.

Whiteness only demands civility and grace in response to calls for accountability and responsibility for whiteness and white supremacism.

The poster was someone I have come to trust and respect. The words made me uncomfortable. Is that what I was doing? I didn’t mean to do that. It troubled me. I know from past experience that “not meaning to” is not the same as not actually doing the thing. 

Later in the day, someone I know in real life called me on my words. Again, this was someone I have come to trust and respect. 

It doesn’t feel great when that happens. But, perhaps because of what I had read earlier, I was ready to address it. 

I agree with you completely. I have not one redemptive thing to say about the deceased. No one should be forced to say kind things that aren’t true nor should anyone be forced to silence truthful dissent in the name of “civil behavior.”

But I do believe that outright laughing and enjoying the suffering of others is deeply…damaging. 

I could be wrong. This is an opinion I have arrived at and not the result of scientific study. It could simply be a touchy feely tender hearted notion. 

When I see how unashamedly the British are still laughing at the demise of Hitler, well - - it makes me wonder.

The response was pretty blunt: you’re wrong. You’re wrong, and this is why. The reasoning was solid. I felt a little naked.  “But I didn’t think…”

Hello, road to hell. I meant well. But I didn’t think. And now I really needed to. I responded:

Then I need to examine how I got here, and understand how to do better, and make that change. Thank you for taking the time to call me out.

So how did I get here? I thought about how much is upset me when people on the Right laughed at and celebrated human suffering. So it was only fair that I should be equally opposed to people on the Left doing it. Sure, it’s easy to pass judgement on the other guys. How easy is it to keep your high standards when the shoe is on the other foot?

Makes sense, yes?

But what kind of suffering has been breaking my heart over the last year? Genocide in Gaza, masked enforcers disappearing people off the street, horrific conditions in what can only be called concentration camps…

I do think that the growing ability of people to laugh at that is scary. But I guess this is where my good intentions went off the rails.

The murder of Charlie Kirk was the murder of someone who actively promoted harm to people he didn’t like or didn’t agree with. Who is to say if he laughed but we do know that he said that God gives us rights which must be protected by accepting regular gun deaths.

1. This actively promotes harm while wrapping it in some kind of religious mandate.
2. It’s heresy. But that’s another story altogether.

At the very least, I was comparing apples and oranges. Or establishing a false equivalency, if you will. So, that’s how I got here.

My friend pointed out that grief is personal. And that’s true. I had been so absorbed in setting up a perfect and fair balance in my own mind that this is the part I completely missed. People respond in different ways. How was I to know what it would feel like to be someone who had been explicitly and repeated targeted by Kirk as they reacted to the news that he was no more?

What if someone killed your abuser? How would you feel? Or if it were someone who invaded your country or stole your good name?  Honestly you might laugh because of the sheer unexpectedness of it. Or you might laugh in relief that the bad things would cease. Humans are weird/wired that way. 

I wasn’t even thinking about that. And here’s the part that makes me squirm and why I am making myself put this out in public: I was probably thinking about “folks like me.” The people I can see my reflection in so well that I forget there are other people. 

God help me. I do not mean to do the things I do. But I placed myself at the center of the world here.  

We have a choice. I have a choice - - to stop and think. To examine the experiences of others. To be open to those moments when people call us out. I haven’t always been. Am I learning?

Not as fast as I’d like.

Village Green/Town² Comments