I knew him from what we call The Other Place. You know, the social media platform that was X-ed out by the big, bad billionaire man. He was intelligent, witty, politically savvy, and - - best of all - - musical. Here he is: Musicology Duck.
I was thrilled to reunite with this account after I moved to Bluesky. But something began to nag at me. Was this sparkling, observant narrator of DC life actually…a woman?
She was. I mean, she is.
But all that time I assumed: someone confident, knowledgeable, and unapologetic about who they were must be A Man.
Oof.
Well, I am over sixty and I was raised with sugar and spice (and the ABCs of being a girl.) But for heaven’s sake I was ten years old at the outset of Women’s Lib and my whole life has been infused with the awareness of women’s issues.
But…
I was trained to be polite and entertaining, to make pleasant cocktail party conversation and to smooth over conflict to make other people comfortable. Taking up space? Extremely hard for me. You’ll probably find me apologizing while asserting myself.
And then one day I got schooled by an internet duck. Not literally. There was never any confrontation. It was more like a slow realization.
Not only was the person who created this account a woman, but clearly I had been assuming “male” for accounts where gender was not specified if they combine being:
- confident
- capable
- unapologetic
I am downright mortified to admit that. And I’ve been on the lookout to catch myself in the future.
But I did it again, not too long ago, with the creator of the Doodl app. I just moved thoughtlessly into that same cognitive territory. A great idea, the capability and self-confidence to follow through and execute it…must be a man, right?
When I reached out to tech support about a glitch I got an immediate fix and a personal note from the creator.
Hi Julia!
First of all, amazing work! I love the multi-medium vibe, so cool!
Secondly, to address your issue, I see from your screenshots that you uploaded with a square frame. When uploading your doodl, there are three different aspect ratio frames you can choose from at the top.
Since you can only edit doodls the day they are posted and this one was posted yesterday, I went ahead and fixed your doodl for you with the full image you provided me! So everything should look good for that one.
Let me know if you have any questions and if that explanation makes sense!
Happy Doodling,
Stephanie. Of course. A woman. And it hadn’t occurred to me.
*****
“But what about my dreams?”
“Women don’t have dreams. They have husbands.”
- - Bridgerton, conversation between Penelope Featherington and her mother
*****
It is hard to be a woman on the internet. Women are subjected to more verbal abuse, sexual harassment, contradictions, piling on, and threats of physical violence. Being a women who is comfortable with one’s intelligence, ability, and self worth is seen as a threat by many men and an invitation to attack by others.
It shouldn’t be that way. But it is. And many women find ways to adapt on social media the way they do walking down a dark street or into a parking garage at night. To make themselves smaller, and less visible.
I am thrilled that there are women out there who are self-empowered and living beautiful, creative lives with courage and without apology.
I am not thrilled that, when I find them, I assume they must be men.
Thoughts? Let me know.
Please do not submit comments here. This function will be disabled shortly. Use the link above instead. Thanks!
ReplyDelete