F ³: Underbabied?

 

This week Dr. Mehmet Oz made the public declaration that 1 in 3 Americans are “underbabied.” I have questions.

• Underbabied?
• Is that a medical term? 
• Isn’t his job in the field of medicine? 
• One in three? 
• Where are the scientific studies? 
• Where’s the data?

This is all sadly connected in my mind with the emotional contortions that women are often subjected to every year on Mother’s Day. I posted this on Facebook at the end of the day on Sunday, with the words: 

Having some trouble with the sentiments of the day for some reason.

For years my issue with Mother’s Day stemmed from my unhappy relationship with my own mother. But now I’m just so frustrated by the horrible wave of trying to redefine woman as breeders - - praising them only for adhering to that one narrow role. And what happens to anyone who is different? It makes me sad and angry. 

We don’t do this to men. We don’t define them by whether they have produced offspring. We don’t ask if they feel that their life is slipping away if they don’t have any. We don’t interrupt them in job interviews to ask how they’ll be able to balance fatherhood with professional responsibilities.

And for goodness sakes, we don’t ask them how it feels to be “underbabied.”

So, here’s what I wrote on Mother’s Day, mostly because I believe that women should be celebrated. And positive relationships should be celebrated. But, if we frame it by putting people in boxes, we are doing it wrong.

Psst!

Are you a woman?

I have a question for you.

What makes you truly you?

What is essential?

What gives you value?

It isn't maternity.

It isn't/wasn't for your mother, either.

It may be important to you and you may hold it close to your heart.

But it is not the definition of you or any woman.

Mother's Day can carry so much hurt: unspoken judgement, expectation. 

It can be a day of joy or of dark memories.

If it can be happy - - that's a blessing.But it's not a given. 

There's just too much pain in the mix.

Because every woman is not the same and every mother is not the same.

And life is full of choice and chance.

Don't let anyone else define you.

Here's what I think.

If you have been loved, or have given love - - you can celebrate it any day you choose. Nurture. Be nurtured. Give thanks. Accept thanks for who you are:

True you,

Essential you,

Deeply valuable you.

Today, tomorrow, always.

- - jam, 5/11/2026

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