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F ³: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

 


The Good: twenty-seven years ago I walked down the aisle of Grace and Saint Peter’s Church towards the most beatific smile I have ever seen. I am so grateful. Married life being what it is, we are all going out tonight to celebrate the birth of our youngest, born one year (and two days) after our wedding day. 

No complaints. Time with family is precious.

I try not to go on and on about my marriage because I distinctly remember what it was like to be lonely and struggling with feelings that my worth was defined only by “having a man.” It was bleak. I keep in mind that it’s one thing to acknowledge one’s happiness but it’s quite another to wave it around in a way that feels to others like a slap in the face. 

I do think that my outsized feelings of gratitude are influenced by surviving a disastrous first marriage and then - - somehow - - finding an enduring love after all that suffering. It’s not magic and it’s certainly not because I was “deserving” in any way. Everyone deserves love. But it definitely colors my experience the second time around.

*****

The Bad: breaking news on Russell Brand, convicted of rape and multiple sexual assaults. And, revealed - - numerous accusations against David Wallaims of preying on girls “as young as fifteen”. And, yet again, reaffirmed: everyone knew. 

*****

The Ugly: 

The people in power who could make a difference in stopping the above criminal behavior haven’t. And that is because it’s not a deal breaker for them. In fact, what they consider unreasonable disruption in the workplace is when victims come to them to report and ask them to take action.

That’s a disruption to them: facing the truth and doing something about it. In their minds hiring and covering for predators is not the problem. Suppressing the truth of pain and victimization is not the problem. It’s just a cost of doing business.

But they don’t pay the cost.

Where are the consequences for them?


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