Guest Post: Impossible Situations

Today’s post comes from Mindy Levene Spak, Howard County teacher and mother of two children in the Howard County school system. There’s been a lot of talk recently about what going back to school should look like. Ms. Spak has penned a letter which, to my mind, speaks to the heart of what teachers and parents are wrestling with. I share it here with her permission. 

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Here is my story both as an educator and a parent.

My 15 year old son has Down Syndrome. I have had an amazing HOCO special ed experience. He has attended Bollman Bridge, PVMS, and will begin Hammond High in the fall. He has been completely underserved during this time.....and his "people" have killed themselves to make it right by him. His support needs are great and his teachers (and mother) are limited in what they can give. And truth be told...I am 100% okay. Because he is safe and healthy. My greatest fear is that he will need to be hospitalized and not understand what is going on. That he will be alone or with just one of us in the hospital. That my entire family will be torn apart as we are split between my 13 year old daughter (rising 8th grader) who also needs two parents and my hospitalized son. I do not know if I am strong enough to live through my son being hospitalized.

For that reason, I am not going back to a brick and mortar building next year. If half the kids go one day and half another...I am still exposed to everyone. I work in a building with 1400 people. I spend HOURS asking kids to put their phones away, to not watch movies while I am teaching, and to keep their hands to themselves. There is no way, no way, I can go back to work. I will quit if I have to. I will homeschool or pay for private school. I am not risking our lives. If Americans cannot forgo 4th of July at the beach or wear masks....then I am not going to teach their children at a school. I just am not.

I am lucky. We don't need my paycheck to eat. I have tenure. I am a white, English-speaking, educated educator. I can walk away. But my ESOL students....that is another story.

My students, whose parents have risked so much so their children can have a better life....they are the ones who are now "essential". These families are doing the work that they have always done - washing dishes, cooking food, yard work, running nail shops or dry cleaners. These families are keeping our society going. And they are exposed to everyone. Kids have stopped attending school because their families need money to pay the rent. They stop attending because the technology is not consistent or easy to understand. Going to school in a 2nd language is hard enough, now you need to navigate a hard system. They stop coming because they were only coming to see their friends. Some have only a 4th grade education and are lost without their friends' cues and support.

Teachers and students are lost without each other. We need each other. I did not go into teaching because I love grading papers. I love the kids. I love helping them expand who they are and what they know. I love being that person who loves them up and cheers them on. And none of that is happening. And it break my hear and if I am not careful it will break my sprit.

BUT WE ARE IN A PANDEMIC!!! It's unprecedented in our lifetimes. We have to be safe. We have to protect ourselves. Let's live through this and then play catch up. We are going to miss out on some very important things. Everyone is missing out. But the reward of all of this is that we increase our chances of enjoying the rest of our lives.

I believe the question needs to be: how can we make on-line learning the best it can be? Not: how soon can we get back to the building?

I am hoping HCPSS does right by us. If they don't, I have an exit strategy that I hope I do not need to use. Because using it would break my heart.

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The truth is that criminally bad management at the national level is forcing these kinds of heartbreaking decisions at the local level. Instead of weighing choices that are the best for children and teachers we are faced with nonsensical dictates that have nothing to do with education and everything to do with the storage of children so that their parents can make the economic numbers look better in an election year. This statement from Katie Adams on Twitter accurately describes the situation we find ourselves in:

It’s all true. What choices will we make in Howard County?