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Problematic Parenthood



Blogger and local activist Susan Garber has written a post about the County Council race. Entitled “Council Candidates Guide to Getting MY Vote”, it has the outspoken, no-holds-barred tone for which Ms. Garber is well-known. It’s also really, really “judgy”. One can imagine the author at a desk in an office with an automatic trap-door to dispose of candidates who run afoul of her preferences.

 Now Ms. Garber certainly has the right to her own soapbox, regardless of whether I agree with her point of view. But there was one thing on her list that jumped out at me. You can see it highlighted in bold below. (Bolding added by me to make it easier to find,)

A quick list of additional things which don’t impress or sway me:
  • having animated, glitzy features on your website
  • the number of ‘friends,’ ‘likes,’ or ‘followers’ on your Facebook page
  • populating your website, Facebook page, or mailers with pictures of your new baby, children, or pets.
  • filling your website or Facebook page with inspirational quotes, etc. rather than specifics on your positions and IDEAS
  • how long you’ve lived in Howard County
  • which HCPSS schools you or your children attended
  • whether you’re a new parent or a single parent (Caution: this could prompt one to ponder whether you’ll be abandoning that child, or your elected duties when trying to juggle both)
  • previous commissions, boards, or task forces you’ve served on (unless you’re able to define exactly what the positive outcome of that service was. If your appointment resulted in a report placed on a shelf never to be read again, it’s not that impressive.)
Wait, what? Let’s read that again. 

  • whether you’re a new parent or a single parent (Caution: this could prompt one to ponder whether you’ll be abandoning that child, or your elected duties when trying to juggle both)
This is parent-shaming, plain and simple. And, let’s be honest, parent-shaming is almost always directed at women. When was the last time you heard a man asked, “how will you be able to balance this position with your family responsibilities?” What does this say about this blogger’s view of women in the workforce? Or of working parents in general?

 Also, isn’t it important to have representatives in office who understand the challenges that many parents have with work/life balance? Should we restrict public service to retirees, post-menopausal women, and men whose wives take care of everything in the home? Would that truly be representative of Howard County? And can we just ditch the “single-parent” moral posturing here?

It also seems to suggest that it would just be better if you didn’t talk about your children. If you do, people might be forced to have uncomfortable thoughts about whether you are a fit parent or whether being a parent renders you unfit to devote yourself to public service. It’s the “don’t ask, don’t tell” of campaign etiquette. This means that a candidate could be more appealing to Ms. Garber by covering up who they are. That’s hardly a vote for transparency.

I’m sure there are other voters in Howard County who are reading this particular post and saying, “right on!” There’s definitely a constituency for the ideas she articulates here. What do you think? Does Ms. Garber speak for you? Why or why not?


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