Fortune

 

Friday. Flood watch. Tornado watch. The COVID-19 Community Level is High.  The Supreme Courts intends to destroy Roe v Wade. Hateful trolls are spewing lies and disgusting smears at the school system for supporting HCPSS Pride. The nation is reeling from two mass shootings.

I always wondered what this fortune meant.

Now I know.

The only thing I have wanted to do was scribble my feelings in black crayon. Alas, I have lost the innate ability to do that the way that a child would: unselfconscious and unfiltered. I had to look up “angry black crayon scribble” on Pinterest for guidance.

It doesn’t look emotional or angry. It looks like I am pretending to be something I am not. It’s too orderly, tidy, all the uncontrollable emotions carefully organized. I have become an adult: civilized, muted, compartmentalized, powerless to express my rage.

Everything will come your way. 

You may survive. You may be destroyed or you may attempt to absorb it all and assimilate it. That may be the same thing.

It wasn’t a fortune, it was a curse. 

Any advice on how to combat this curse is welcome in the comments. How are you doing? What is helping you get through?

A word of thanks to the good folks who post nature photos on social media. The beauty of their images is one of the few things I am clinging to right now. Video clips from last night’s event at the Lakefront had that same soul-nourishing quality. I am grateful for anything that can hold its own against the darkness right now.