Sunday, April 1, 2018


No April Fools this year.

How about some crazy wishes instead? How about a list of the local unlikelies that would just make you laugh if they were to come true? Yeah. I think I could get behind that.

Some suggestions:

CA Board votes to fund complete pathway system for Merriweather Park in Symphony Woods and name it in honor of Michael McCall.

Governor Hogan scraps plans for maglev in order to bring appealing, convenient, and affordable public transportation throughout Columbia and Howard County.

Allan Kittleman and Calvin Ball become accountability partners in a Whole 30 diet group.

A new form of redistricting stuns the County as real estate stays the same but the schools themselves are moved to different locations.

Politicians found to be in possession of campaign funds in excess of the legal limit will be required to donate the remainder to a Sick Building Health Fund to cover healthcare costs of victims.

Columbia Gateway named as 11th Columbia Village. Colonel Gateway immediately starts lobbying for pools.

Real Estate agents marketing houses as in a specific “award-winning school district” sentenced to sit through multiple, hours-long community & county hearings on APFO and school redistricting. No blankets and no snacks.

As an exercise in student voice, this year’s Battle of the Books will feature mixed parent teams (from different neighborhoods) having to solve community problems while students serve as coaches, judges, etc. (No books may be thrown or burned.)

With the success of the Elevate Maryland podcast at Joe’s Deli, all local restaurants will be looking for an in-residence podcast team, causing a huge upsurge in local listening choices.

The Mall in Columbia will host high school classes to ease overcrowding, raising attendance numbers for weekday daytime visits. However, weekend trips to mall by teens will plummet as it is no longer remotely “cool” to go there.

Well, it’s a start. What would you add?

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